The First 90 Days Abroad: How to Lead Before You Feel “Settled”

The first 90 days in a new country can look deceptively smooth from the outside.

You have the role. The move is done. The calendar fills quickly. You’re meeting new stakeholders, learning the market, and navigating a new rhythm. People assume you’re “excited” and “settling in.”

And yet, many global women leaders tell me something very different in private:

“I feel capable… but not fully myself yet.”

“I’m working twice as hard to be understood.”

“I’m leading, but I’m also constantly decoding.”

“I don’t want to make mistakes early so I’m playing it safe.”

If you’re in that window right now, I want to name something clearly:

Not feeling settled does not mean you’re not ready to lead.

In fact, the first 90 days abroad are often when your leadership matters most because the conditions are uncertain, the norms are unfamiliar. The story people form about you gets written quickly.

This article is a practical reset: how to lead with clarity, authority, and cultural intelligence before everything feels comfortable.

Why the first 90 days feel more complicated than you expected

Even when you’re experienced, even when you’ve lived abroad before, the early stage of a move carries a “hidden tax”:

·    Your brain is processing more inputs (language, tone, hierarchy, timing, subtext).

·    Your identity is in transition (you’re not “known” in this context yet).

·    Your competence is real, but it may not be legible in the local style.

·    Your energy gets spent on logistics and emotional adjustment—often invisibly.

This is why you can be performing well and still feel off-balance.

And it’s also why many leaders unconsciously do one of two things:

1.    Over-adapt (become hyper-polite, overly careful, wait too long to take space)

2.    Over-control (push harder, move faster, rely on the style that worked “back home”)

Neither is wrong. Both are understandable.

But there’s a more strategic third option:

Lead with structure and presence while you learn the culture.

A 90-Day Leadership Framework (that works across cultures)

Think of your first 90 days as three phases. The goal is not perfection.

The goal is to become transparent, connected, and credible—in a way that fits the local context without erasing you.

Days 1–30: Listen deeply, but don’t disappear

Most leadership advice says, “listen first.” I agree.

But in cross-cultural transitions, “listen first” can quietly turn into “be invisible.”

So, in your first month, aim for two things at once:

1) Cultural intelligence: learn the codes

Focus on:

·    How are decisions made (in meetings? pre-meetings? over lunch?)

·    Who influences who has authority?

·    What “good” communication looks like (direct, indirect, contextual, relational)

·    What gets praised here: speed, precision, harmony, initiative, consensus?

2) Leadership presence: give people something to hold onto

Even while you’re learning, you can be clear about:

·    your intent

·    Your operating principles

·    What you’re here to deliver

Try a simple line early on:

“I’m here to learn fast, build trust, and deliver results. I’ll ask questions, and I’ll also be clear about what I’m seeing.”

That one sentence signals maturity: humility without shrinking.

A practical move for Month 1:

Create a short “stakeholder map” with 10–15 key people. For each, note:

·    What they care about

·    How they prefer to communicate

·    What “wins” look like to them

·    What you need from them in the first 90 days

This becomes your cultural decoding tool.

Days 31–60: Translate your value (so it’s legible locally)

Here’s a truth many global women leaders learn the hard way:

Your expertise doesn’t automatically transfer. It must be translated.

Not because you’re less capable but because every culture and organization has its own definition of credibility.

In this phase, focus on making your contribution legible.

Do three things:

1) Name your priorities in the local language

Not just English vs. Japanese vs. French—leadership language.

Instead of: “I’m here to transform the strategy,” try:

·    “I want to strengthen alignment and execution.”

·    “I want to build a shared view of priorities and decision rights.”

·    “I want to reduce friction across teams and improve flow.”

2) Clarify decision rights early (before frustration builds)

Many new expat leaders are brought in to “be the bridge,” but not given authority.

Ask this directly and calmly:

·    “Where do I have decision authority today?”

·    “Where do you want me to recommend vs. decide?”

·    “What needs alignment before we move?”

This is not being difficult. It’s leadership hygiene.

3) Choose one visible “early win.”

Not a massive project. Something that solves a real pain point.

Early wins build trust by reducing uncertainty.

Examples:

·    A clearer process

·    a stakeholder alignment

·    a simple dashboard

·    A communication rhythm that makes decisions easier

·    A cross-team handshake that removes bottlenecks

A practical move for Month 2:

Send a short recap after key meetings:

·    What we agreed

·    What happens next

·    Who owns what

·    timing

This visibility strategy works in almost every culture because it creates clarity without self-promotion.

Days 61–90: Claim your leadership rhythm (without forcing fit)

By the third month, you’ve gathered data. You’ve built relationships. You’ve delivered something.

Now it’s time to shift from “newcomer learning” to “leader shaping.”

This is where many women either:

·    Keep waiting to feel fully settled (and stay overly cautious), or

·    Push hard to prove themselves (and burn out)

Instead, aim for calm authority.

Your focus in Month 3:

1) Set your operating cadence

Decide:

·    How do you run meetings?

·    How do you track decisions?

·    How you communicate priorities

·    How do you protect deep work time?

·    What boundaries do you need to stay effective?

The culture matters—but so do your sustainability issues.

2) Have one “scope and expectations” conversation

Choose the person who matters most (your manager, regional lead, key sponsor) and align on:

·    What success looks like at 6 and 12 months

·    What constraints are you seeing?

·    Where you need support or air cover

·    What trade-offs are real

If you wait until you’re struggling, this conversation becomes emotional.

If you do it at 60–90 days, it’s strategic.

3) Decide what you will not do

This is underrated.

In a new environment, you’ll be tempted to over-function: attend everything, respond to everything, adapt to everything.

Pick one or two things you will stop doing:

·    “I will stop apologizing for asking clarifying questions.”

·    “I will stop working late as my default.”

·    “I will stop waiting to be invited to contribute.”

·    “I will stop translating everyone’s emotions for them.”

This is how you prevent self-erasure.

The three traps to avoid in your first 90 days

Trap 1: Mistaking cultural humility for invisibility

Yes, observe and listen. But don’t disappear.

Trap 2: Confusing competence with being understood

You may be excellent and still not “land” in the local code. Translation is part of the work.

Trap 3: Waiting to feel settled before you lead

Settling often comes after you take your place—not before.

A simple 90-day compass check (use this weekly)

If you want a practical ritual, try this every Friday:

1.    What did I learn about the culture this week?

2.    Where did I lead with clarity (even in small ways)?

3.    Where did I over-adapt or over-control?

4.    What is one conversation I need to have next week?

5.    What support would make this easier?

This keeps you in learning mode without losing your center.

Closing: You don’t have to “arrive” to be credible

If you’re in your first 90 days abroad, please remember:

You are not behind. You are in a transition.

And transitions are not a pause in leadership—they are a test of leadership.

The goal is not to become a flawless local version of yourself.

The goal is to become culturally fluent and self-aligned—able to read the room, shape the room, and stay anchored in who you are.